I guess it's pretty normal to always find other people better than who we are, smarter, hotter, prettier, richer... I have the urge to write after reading a blog of a friend that i barely know. (let's make that a she.)  The friend was very upset at her appearance, that she couldn't look any better, she find herself ugly.

Well, at first, I wanted to leave a comment, saying that she actually looks good, and I've been stalking her for a while though I've never talked to her much. But that would sound like a hypocrite. so i didn't write or comment on anything. I find her...um..cute, sweet, pretty, different from others I would say. I was surprised that she was so upset about herself just because she felt that she isn't looking good enough. cause i kinda admire her. okay, admire sounds weird. I like the way she looks.

That's just human, isn't it? We always want things that we don't have, never contented, never enough.


Jealousy is often thought as a single emotion, but actually it is a whole bundle of feelings that tend to get lumped together. Jealousy can manifest as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, agitation, sadness, paranoia, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling inadequate, feeling excluded. Jealousy is about fear, fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability. ---well i think this best defines insecurity.


I am not saying that I am great, in fact I think I am of no difference. I envy, jealous, at times. just because I am not good enough. and i hate that feeling of being like a piece of shit. but sometimes, I am quite happy with myself, i think i should. that's the only way to cheer myself up. I am imperfect and I'm tired of hiding the flaws, too, like many others. I am still finding ways to live with the imperfections which I've been hiding so well.

okay. switch topic.


I've just started my year 2 in law degree. i am grateful for my results for year 1, which i never would've expected, thank you. :)